Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize