id be glad to
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
