For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
