So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
