Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just invented taco cereal.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
