im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
