She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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