I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
