I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
