Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize