ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
