The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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