Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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