I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
