Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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