are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
