the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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