if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
