I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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