I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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