My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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