i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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