There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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