Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
