I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
