I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
