so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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