he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
