Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
