dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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