Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize