C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
