we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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