wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
