I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
