I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
