PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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