Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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