Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
