ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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