If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
