Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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