Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
