Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize