I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize