porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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