I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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