Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
