I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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