He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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