I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
