You smell like stripper and shame
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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