i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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