You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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