I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize