there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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