Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize