the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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