I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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