Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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