y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize