Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
