Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
