Do you still have your period?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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