absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
