JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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