Got a toothbrush?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
