I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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