I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
