Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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