my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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