High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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