I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
