we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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