While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize