Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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