Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
