I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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