Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
