You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We had to coat check the pizza.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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