Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
