She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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