Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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