Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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