The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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