Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
