I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize