I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I supernannyed him into submission
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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