it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
