Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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