Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
