If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
