her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
