I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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