Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
