so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Houston, we have a blender
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pants are for mortals
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
