Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
