it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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